Stopping by with the obligatory “Hey, follow me on all of the social networks known to mankind” post:
Today, I had to say no to a free one week vacation in Norway with my boyfriend and his wonderful family, due to school and exams. My heart hurts. I have rarely ever wanted so badly to be irresponsible and say fuck everything. I don’t need school, but I need Norway. Anyone who’s followed me for a while will know how much this fucking sucks to me. I had to say no. to go. for free. TO fucking NORWAY, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
In two and a half months, I will be done with school for the first time in 13 years. I will be moving out of the boarding school which has been my home and family for three years, and take a year off to work and focus on my photography. While it is mostly really scary to be faced with exams and leaving the best home I’ve had in my life, I am particularly excited about being able to really immerse myself in photography. While I have been attending school, I haven’t really had the time, nor the money, to get where I want to go within photography.
There are so many technical things that I want to master, so many skills that I need to improve. I think I am finally beginning to find my own personal style, yet I currently do not have the time, funds, or skill to pursue that style and create things that I am truly proud of. Believe it or not, most of the photography I do these days is nothing like the stuff I wish to do.
I am getting frustrated because I feel like I am not inspired or proud of any of the work that I’ve been doing lately; photography is a way for me to keep grounded and “sane”, and in that sense I still love photographing. But I do not feel like any of my work is an achievement or lives up to my inner vision of what I could/want to do. My freetime photography has become this bittersweet mix of finding relief in the act of photographing, yet feeling extremely inadequate as a photographer.
I will of course have to get over the very anxiety provoking exams and through the stress of finding a new home and full time job. But after that, maybe I can start to live out my dream. So here’s to the future, and here’s to hoping; it is scary as hell, but hopefully it will also have something good in store for me.